bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
