You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
