I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
