there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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