Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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