She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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