He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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