If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
