obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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