He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
