Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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