I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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