and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
