the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
