Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
