I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
