if you like me you must not know who I am
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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