I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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