I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
