you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His nipple licking is glorious
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