we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
