you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
