8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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