dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
