He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
