just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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