I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
