i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
