Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
