her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
