Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
