Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
