The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
