The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
