Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
