I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
