Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
