I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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