what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
