Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
