Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
