oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
