Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
