i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
