Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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