I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
