Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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