i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You pole danced in your parka.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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