I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
