so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
