Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
