remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
