my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
