Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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