Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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