i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
